She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
not ubering you a puppy
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
