I just pynch a tree in the face
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
FUCK WHALES
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
