i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
