Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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