your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
