We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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