ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
