He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
