cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
