Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
