bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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