He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
