I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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