So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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