I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
