you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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