it wasn't lemon gatorade
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
PANTIES FOUND
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