3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
