i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
