no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
