im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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