I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
