my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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