FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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