i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
