The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize