New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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