Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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