WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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