Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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