is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
