i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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