ya dads aren't the best wingmen
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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