How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
