Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize