thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
