What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
