I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
