DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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