just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
