Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize