its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
