If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
