She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
As shirtless as possible
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
