im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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