Three words: puerto rican gang bang
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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