I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
