so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
