I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Randomize
