This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
