the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
My room smells like vodka and shame
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
