At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
