You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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