Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
