My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
