Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
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