My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
