i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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