with your own penis?
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize