tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize