Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
