I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
