I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Soap is not a condiment
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
