I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You're a waste of cheezeits
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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