Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
