My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
