my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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