Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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