Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Then you guys just all showered together...?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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