Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
