Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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