if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
