i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
