You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
