You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
false alarm, still single
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
