Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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