our cab driver is having phone sex.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
how do you play pong handcuffed?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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