She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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