Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
So here I am, sexting at work.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
