The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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