Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
