Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
