Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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