I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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