:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
