you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
