I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
