god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
