yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
