he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize