names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Vodka?
Forever.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
