I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Randomize
