some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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