Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize