Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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